Well, it’s short for the Bermondale Difference, and is a reference to a rather popular book that many ministers refer to as the Bible of Kinky. The book is a dictionary of sorts on the “kerotic” lifestyle – a lifestyle that involves role-playing (or “spanking” as some might call it), fetish, and sometimes even sex between two people. If you’re new to the world of BDSM, this can be quite a bit different than your” vanilla” partner, as there is a lot more fantasy involved. For this reason, many new ministers are looking for a safe word that will let them know they are not crossing the line. This is where the “Bermondale Difference” comes in.
Now, one thing that many people do not realize about the Bermondale difference is that it actually stands for two things: consent and non-consensual sex. If you’re new to the scene, you may be wondering why these two things are related. Well, the answer lies in the last statement, as many people view this as a reference to the role-play aspects of BDSM, but it can also stand for something else. Namely, it refers to the fact that many people in the scene view it as a way of expressing their own sexuality, which may not involve a person having non-consensual sex with another person.
In order to understand why this is such a big deal, it’s important to get a real understanding of what BDSM really is. Basically, it is the practice of exploring the intense sensations of eroticism and submission, while avoiding the legal aspects of sexual intercourse. As someone who has been involved in the scene for over five years now, I can tell you that when most people think of BDSM, they think of two people who enter into a steamy, bedroom situation – with the submissive partner wearing a “dildo” on their person. This is only one definition of the scene, however. While there are certainly those who participate in scenes like this, they are generally called “subscribers” – and are not the ones described in the example above.
What most people actually mean when they talk about “dick swinging” or “bondage” is when two people engage in a steamy, erotic, situation after a period of inactivity (such as foreplay, but often includes some touching afterwards). Usually the participants in these situations are interested in each other but aren’t actually committed to any sort of long term relationship or marriage. This is aftercare, a term borrowed from the aftercare of swinging. Aftercare is less intense and takes a lot less time – and is a great option for people who have busy schedules and don’t have time to focus on a serious relationship.
While there are people involved in the Scene who are truly committed to a life of long term relationships and marriage, the term “Bondage” has sometimes been used to describe a Scene with a much more immediate, sexual impact. The phrase comes from the art of French kiss-cuddling. In the scene, the submissive partner will sometimes be encouraged or even forced to perform fellatio on his or her dominant partner. In short: Oral sex has a very real impact on the submissive’s mindset and emotional state – even if it isn’t conscious.
One other common scene type is the role-playing one, where the participants take on different personalities, sometimes for different reasons. For instance, role-playing often occurs when one member of the couple feels dominant and wants to try out a certain behavior on his or her partner. In another study found in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, one group of participants took on the persona of a sexy nurse and spent a few weeks pretending to be that character – sometimes going out on dates and having lots of one-on-one time with their partners. Another participant did acting lessons and spent time pretending to be a doctor and a nurse. Overall, it appears that playing a specific role can have an impact on the attitudes and behaviors of the participants in a BDSM scene.